I was recently watching Kevin Costner's take on the Robin Hood saga while wasting time waiting for my next commercial to another assignment. Yep, back to work at last. I had not heard the song "Everything I Do" by Bryan Adams in quite awhile. In the movie there is a scene where the noble Muslim played by Morgan Freeman helps Little John's wife through a breech birth. The music is hinted at throughout the scene. Eventually an infant newborn is placed into Maid Marians arms...... and I am immediately whisked away to my own moment when a newborn changed my world. It is amazing to me how the words to what I have always thought of as a traditional love song fits into the theme of a parent and a child.
Almost three decades ago about this time of year my Jeni was as swollen as a watermellon, and we still had almost three months remaining in her pregnancy. I more than once suggested we put advertising on her belly and use her as a mini Goodyear blimp (yep, even then I knew how to say the wrong thing). Jeni let me live because the truth was that our baby (and we did not know it's sex until the moment of birth) had been created in love. She was still intimately involved with the almighty in the manufacture of a new life..... I guess that you can put up with alot when suffering the consequences of love.
Amazing how something so incredibly poignant can eventually fade from the foremost parts of your existance. It seems like years since the events of Heathers birth have been something I might take a moment and reflect upon. I guess such moments lie there dormant..... kinda like emotional land mines. The music and the sight of a newborn launched me to a time and place that changed everything in what was up to then "My World". Back when everything revolved around me.
I remember everything. Every blessed moment. The moment at the Navy hospital that the Corpsman told me that Jeni's pregnancy test was positive (which I guess means I knew before she did..... nahhhh). She had sent me there to get some test results....... she knew. I, on the other hand was as thunder struck as if the Red Sea had just opened before me. I have no idea how I made it out of the parking lot, much less back to our home. How about a little "heads up"?
I remember the eventual middle of the night trips to the hospital (the first trip was premature. We must have logged a mini marathon walking the halls of the hospital in an attempt to somehow advance the appointed time. No luck. Jeni was more anxious to get that thing out of her than the unfortunate victims in the movie Alien). On our next trip I remember the concern at being surrounded by all the medical monitors (It is never completely comfortable to be in an environment that is so totally foriegn, with clicks, whirring, and beeps coming from all directions). I remember holding on to Jeni's hand. She squeezed so hard that I remember being amazed at her grip. I remember studying Jeni's face between contractions. It was the second time I thought I could see anothers soul. For Jeni, the baby in her womb was already a part of her life. For me, a totally ignorant man, Heather was not a reality till I held her. God, everything changed in that moment.
Up until that very moment I had always been the center of creation. I "knew" I was the center of my parents world. Dad had spoken in respectful reverence as to what it meant to him when he first laid eyes on me. For the first time I understood. I had no idea as to the extent of just how deeply my parents loved me. Nor, I suspect of how deeply they were loved in turn. Never again would the world be so simple. I understood for the first time why we use terms like "Father" when trying to define something beyond words.... Yep, even my faith was suddenly undergoing change. Love. I was awed by it's awesome magnitude. I have remained bowed in humble admiration ever since.
I remember them holding up a bloody little girl, Heathers first breath, and her first cry. They took her over to a table and as they cleaned I counted fingers and toes. A daughter. I was a Dad.......
They laid her on Jeni's chest, and Jeni looked at me and I swear I thought my life was now complete. Life could just not get any better. Jeni relinquished Heather to the nurse, and she handed me the bundle. I looked down, and was lost to the World while studying the face of my daughter. I have gone to that place any number of times since.
Heather is an adult today. Life progresses, and we are in the process of planning her wedding. In that entire period of time there has never been a minute that she has not been somewhere in the center of everything I have done. The center of my world. The impetus that started me to become aware of my soul. The catalyst which caused me to begin to understand love. Heavy stuff..........
I suspect that the reason I now enjoy much the same relationship with my eldest granddaughter is because of what Heather's birth made possible. Maybe it was that relationship that finally made it possible for me to understand how much my parents loved me...... making it possible for me to love them all the more in return. Maybe..............
I suspect that any and all that I have loved since her birth know that much of whatever I am capable of in the way of love comes from that experience.
To the grown bride to be, and to the little one I still see when I look at you, "Everything I do, I do it for you............."
No comments:
Post a Comment