At dinner this evening I shared a most wonderful in depth discussion with a coworker. We did not at all exercises the usual gamut of topics for pilots (IE we did not mention airplanes, flight attendants, work, places to drink, or the latest hot topic....... apps). We did not even discuss politics or sex (saving that for tomorrow night). A definite example of discussions by two men over 50.
We discussed perhaps more meaningful topics. We touched on the loss of a loved one, how to prepare for that loss, how such loss affects you (and how one might deal with the heart ache after), raising children (or grandchildren), what is actually of importance in life, what might actually define a tragedy, and the things that define us as human beings. We touched on troubled family members, teenage daughters, being adoptive parents, and the differences in raising male and female offspring. Instead of an exchange of facts, there was an exchange of ideas. It offered insight into the others soul.
The fact that we had flown together years ago just magnified the difference in what we might talk about today. The fact that we both managed to touch on topics that made the corner of our eyes well up a little meant that the discussion touched on something beyond any usual table talk. It was refreshing, soul satisfying, and not anything young testosterone driven males would ever suffer to endure. All the more reason to treasure the experience.
One of the things we talked about was how drastically the way we identify ourselves has changed. This created a desire to examine just how much this might be true in my own life. The fact we all change should be patently obvious. Life is change. Still, somewhere in the mix there is always the one constant, our soul. We get older, values, capacities (both physical and mental ) wax and wain. However, the soul is a constant. Always, our eternal self is there, bearing an unending witness to our constant attempts to redefine our self. To blatantly plagiarize another, "In each moment we have the ability to redefine our self in a grander and greater version of who we want to be." So long as there is breath, we have the ability (need) to reinvent (redefine) ourselves. It is a constant process.
Both my dinner partner and I shared the opinion that how we would define ourselves had changed extensively over the years. Both of us were previously military pilots. We agreed that at one time we both would have listed "Military Pilot" as one of the top two or three items on any list that we might have used to try and define who we were/are. Neither of us would list our profession anywhere near the top of any current self description. Strange how "what we do" can at some time seem to define "who we are". Maybe that is a good thing, as at retirement who wants to start off any discussion with potential friends with a "Well, I used to be a ________". Who wants to be a "used to be"? I suspect the question should be "Who am I now?"
So, since I have gone to this extent, perhaps a listing of the words or things I think might define who I am today might be in order (remembering that the process is still ongoing). If I try to be as honest with myself as I can, these words or phrases define how I see myself. So, in order of personal importance.....
Who am I?
I am :
One constantly attempting to know his soul
Man of strong personal and independent faith
Loving father
Pop
Responsible, loving and respectful son
Honorable and loving brother
soul mate
Uncle Tom
Cousin Tommy
lucky member of a wonderful and awesome extended family
concerned and demonstrative friend
a concerned sounding board
searcher for truth and wisdom
possessor of a most playful demeanour and poets soul
one whose focus is external
one who looks for, and occasional finds, the best in others
a student of human nature
one with great curiosity
one very familiar with asking"Why?"
an accomplished world traveler
not quite an accomplished "jack of all trades", but working on it
an accomplished gardener with a special passion for Japanese style gardens
an accomplished humorist and ardent searcher for laughter
an amateur, but still enthusiastic, writer
a frustrated artist
the purveyor of bear hugs extraordinaire
a most communicative communicator (I talk to much)
a history buff
a collector of arcane and worthless knowledge
a questioner of dogma
one who occasionally thinks I was born in the wrong century
an individual who holds holy the sacrifices of those who made our country
one who sits in total disgust and contempt of the money whores who run it today
one who tries hard to see the validity in both sides of an issue
an optimist, if a bit of a sceptic
an above average airline pilot (who runs a most cooperative cockpit)
a slightly above average angler (and a most enthusiastic pond manager)
a keeper of aquariums (last count there were 5 in the house, and 3 ponds in the yard)
an enthusiastic (if not accomplished) golfer
an occasionally overly opinionated old fart
the wielder of a most vicious tongue (notice this is way down the list..... not sure others would share in my placement order)
a man with a temper, thankfully a temper that excepting the aforementioned harsh statements is seldom in evidence
Oh, and I used to be a Naval Aviator............
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