It is early in the AM on Fathers Day for 2012. This marks my 57th visitation of this day. Of course I have not always been cognizant of the day, nor near so understanding of what it might signify. This years coming is momentous...... or at least significant. It marks the first year that I do not have a Father to call and offer recognition for all that we have shared.
I am not sure I am at all fully aware of all that is significant in Dad's contributions to who I am. It is not even a year since his passing. The Fathers Day card from last year is still sitting on the snack table in what was his office. A year ago today marks the real acceleration of his decline in health. He was still cognizant, but the usual mental acuity was beginning to slip. I remember the shock and disorientation that came with the realization that my father could actually begin to fail. Honestly, on some visceral level I guess I just thought he would always be there.
He died in July. I/we miss him still. It is not an active grieving, and at times life seems to somehow have returned to normal......... at least for awhile. Then certain events come along and the fact that I can not just call to share a thought or two is once again immediate. It does not hurt like before, but the emptiness is again manifest. I walked through the card section in a local outlet store just before I left on this trip. They had the Fathers Day cards out, and I wanted/needed to make contact with something that was gone. There is no way to send Dad a card...... but somehow just reading them and enjoying the humorous ones made me feel closer. In retrospect I think I should have sent a card to my Brother. Not because he is my parent, but because he is so much like Dad, and that may be the most complimentary thing I have ever offered about my brother.
Dad had several successes in his life. One of the most noteworthy (at least from a standpoint that it was recognized by a large group of people) was his being a participant in the High School All American football game. I do not know if they have such a thing anymore. Living in the Pensacola region (where high school football is just a little beneath religion on most peoples priority list) I can only wonder just what the best and most promising seniors today would look like. Dad played offensive center, and I do not think he weighed even 200 lbs. I guess we grow them bigger today.
He grew up in a small town that lived football. He was a standout in the one universal interest of his community. I will tell you it shaped a lot of his life. It offered a certain amount of fame, an easy identity, and more than a little glory. They talk about it still in Haywood county Tennessee. I will also offer the opinion that if his accolades were the summation of his life it would have been a largely wasted life. Imagine a life complete before college. As he lived into his 70's, that would have constituted a lot of wasted time.
No, There was no wasted time in Dad's life. Dad was involved. Whether professional, or personal Dad did nothing without his full dedication and attention. His first job before going into school administration was as a coach. When he was a football coach (a profession that did not offer the compensation or possible career opportunities evident today) Dad was heavily involved in the lives of the young people he coached. Skills on the field were just part of what he imparted. Just a few years before he died several of the young men he coached (now grown men) went to some trouble to find their old "Coach". Dad was humbled by their efforts, and I think more than a little surprised when they relayed the impact he had had on their lives. Each individual had differing experiences, but they all shared that it was something beyond the game that they had taken with them and treasured. It may have surprised Dad, but it was not a surprise to myself or my brother. Dad cared.
Above all else (save perhaps working at a relationship with my Mother), I think my Dad's highest priorities were always in being a good Father. Now, I am not talking about being a consistent maker and enforcer of rules (which he was), or a great example as to how one should conduct oneself (again, he was that in spades), but it was in the dedication and willingness to express his involvement in our lives where Dad was superlative. It is easy to make and enforce rules. It is even relatively easy to conduct oneself in a manner that anyone observing can emulate. It is not easy to be involved. A review of any and all significant days in my life reveal that Dad was always there. I think he missed at most 2 events. He was just always there. Dad always took the time to recognize and make personal whatever was going on in our life. He shared in our successes, and suffered with us whenever life conspired to challenge us. That, is not easy. If nothing else, it takes time. It is (in my humble opinion) worthy of recognition.
I know my brother and I are who we are as a consequence of his being involved. My Daughter, and my nieces are all beneficiaries of his examples.
So, in honor of the day, and to the man I want to grow up and be like...... Happy Fathers Day.
Daddy, I love you.
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