Being aware

    


     I want to share an experience that has only happened a hand full of times in my life.  That rare occasion where the veil of the physical is somehow set aside and I have had the privilege of seeing someone I Love's soul.  Seems some description as to how those "visions" were to be differentiated from the normal day to day experiences one has when looking at another and being swept up in your shared love should be offered.  There is a profound difference in what is experienced from the day to day sharing of time with a loved one.  A most profound difference, a difference that I am just not sure I can find a way to verbalize. 

     You can look into the eyes of those you love and be carried away with the emotion, and only reinforce the existing knowledge of who you "know" them to be. But (at least in my experience), on some very rare occasions one can look and suddenly see those one loves with a clarity that I can only describe as something ethereal.  I have looked into the face of some of those I love and seen them................ well, I am kinda at a loss for words.  They were suddenly stunningly beautiful (and that is not always something I would observe as an everyday experience), and they transcended just what my eyes could perceive.  It was as if I had never "seen" them before.  They were all lit from within, or they glowed, or maybe it was as if they were their own source of light.... simply put, I think maybe I saw them as God sees them.  A perfection that is not evident in normal day to day existence.  It is as different a way of seeing as comparing being outside in the sun versus being in the darkest of dark. 

    When my daughter walked into the old mariners supply building where we were to have the wedding reception, she walked over to me and I looked into her face............. God, after all the time I have spent looking at, even studying, that face...... It was like for the first time I "saw" her.  It was like I was looking at a stranger.............. a beautiful stranger who was looking at me with the most intense concentration and love.  Maybe that was the key?  When experiencing each "vision" I knew I was loved.  Deeply loved.  I will admit to being prejudiced and have always thought my Daughter to be a loving gift from God to the world........ but in that instance she was different....  She was "greater", and  she was glorious to behold.  Again, I thought I should kick off my shoes as it was obvious I was experiencing something holy.  The love and splendor of her soul showed through.  My heart was smitten (even more than I was when the nurse first put her in my arms almost three decades ago).  That is simply saying a lot.

   I find it significant that on my own wedding day years ago that while the preacher was pronouncing what we had asked him to say, I could hear nothing as I gazed into the face of the one who would be the mother of today's bride.  I was gifted with that same vision of one I loved.  God she was beautiful.  When the times get rough, I hold to that vision.  It has never faded.  Oh, if there was any gift I could give to these two women who hold such a purchase in my soul, it would be to just for a moment glimpse that reflection that they so powerfully imprinted in my heart.

    I remember being a boy (in cub scouts even), and my younger brother stepping forward and offering sentiments so loving that he totally destroyed the oblivious way I was proceeding through life.  It was an interruption that has never stopped having powerful repercussions.  It changed my life.  It was my first experience at seeing such love in another's eyes.  My brother impressed me with an almost angelic appearance.  His was the first face, and the first experience whereby I saw into the heart of another.  I have seen my brothers soul more than any other....  He has always managed to find that way into my awareness.  We usually joke and are irreverent.....  but occasionally he feels free to open his heart.  I am always humbled.  We make fun of the fact that my brother is one of the most irreverent people I know.  He is certainly the most brutally honest.  Maybe all brothers are close, but I am not at all sure that all brothers know the contents of the others soul.  I have seen his.  He is beautiful........... (not sure that "beautiful" is a word most men would use when describing another male, but there is no other word that comes close). 

    I saw Dads soul, and as always is the case, was humbled to be in its presence.  As his illness progressed we spent more time together than usual.  When we realized that we might not have the time we wanted, I shared I was not ready to say goodbye.  We embraced, and I saw him differently than ever before.  He was still Daddy, always bigger than life, but suddenly in his face was reflected love and in his countenance I saw "peace".  He was beautiful.  Beautiful?  Mom might have seen him in that light..... maybe even his own Momma,.  But me?  Not till that moment would I have called Dad beautiful (maybe ruggedly handsome).  In that moment Dad transcended just being my Father and friend.  He was greatness personified.  In his countenance I felt peace (and that was a rare commodity at that time). 

    I wish I could go through life seeing everyone in that light.  I am of the opinion that each life is blessed with a glorious part of themselves that they, and even most of those they love, live without ever experiencing.  I wish I could stay in that loving level of existence..... maybe that is what heaven is.

    I have never seen my own soul.  I suspect it must be there or I would never have "seen" the beauty in the souls I love.  I pray that if you find your way here, your life will be filled with friends and family that you can see with the eyes of your soul.  You will never look at them the same again..............

Something Wonderful This Way Comes

                                                This entry is out of order, I started this several weeks ago and never finished till now.......










     It is early of the Thursday morning before the Sunday wedding.  I mean it is 5 in the morning, the house is dark, and excepting the sounds of the air being cycled by the central air unit, the occasional pops, creaks, and groans that all houses make, and the click of the keys on the keyboard, there is silence.  Across the way I see my reflection in a mirror, my face illuminated by the glow from the screen.  It is a little haunting, as in the glow I can see my father. 

     Maybe, that is as it should be.  He should be the first to arrive.  Today, and on into tomorrow friends and family are making the journey to be together to mark the beginning............. or the continuation of something "greater".  When at last we gather to join my Daughter and her intended the room will be full.  Many of those who will be present will be there in spirit only, but they will be there none the less.  They were there when I was wed, and when my Father before me wed.  I suspect, some time in the distant future (I hope) I will join them in celebrating the more momentous moments in the life's of my children and grandchildren.  I suspect they are always a part of our lives, but maybe we are more aware on those "special" occasions when family draws together.  It is then that I am most aware of them anyway.

    Maybe, like the biblical promise "....whenever two or more of you are gathered in my name...." they come together whenever love is present.  I am not sure it is universal, but for me whenever "family" is together there is certainly love.  This get together will be no different.  I can already feel the warmth and satisfaction that comes in being in their company.  Their company makes my heart dance and my soul soar.  I am the best man I ever am in the presence of those who are coming.  Like Moses before the burning bush I am aware that I am approaching "holy ground". 

    There is a little song they used to sing in church that went:

  
        This is holy ground,
        You're standing on holy ground,
        For wherever Love is, God is, and it is holy
    

    I wonder if I followed the biblical admonition and took off my shoes to walk Heather down the isle whether anyone would think I was crazy? 

Hate

     Seems to me we use certain words rather freely, and sometimes without a full comprehension of what it is we really mean to convey.  I have been more than a little troubled with the current unrest in the Muslim world over some jackass making a "made for the Internet" movie insulting the prophet Mohamed.  Seems like every semi-devout Muslim is somehow now required to defend violently a prophet that at the core of his message preached love.  I know for many that last statement is a bit of a surprise, but it is true none the less.  The individual who is at the center of Islam preached love.  The fact that almost all our exposure to Islam is centered around individuals that are making international news because of some act of hatred might well lead one to believe otherwise.  Historically, under scrutiny I am not sure any other religion would present itself any better. 

    Truth is, all of the great prophets/teachers universally teach love as their primary message.  How many acts of aggression have been, are still, and are yet to be carried out in the name of God?  Do Muslims have the market cornered on bending a great message into something justifying the most repugnant of actions?  History suggests that as a species we are just not adept at accepting the simple loving instructions God has, and continues, to send.  Over and over the message to love and cherish is commanded/requested, and is seemingly repetitively ignored.  Why is that? 

     History is full of examples of atrocity after atrocity being committed in "Gods name".  How much blood before it is enough?  Currently a large portion of us (last I checked Muslims are people too) feel the need to defend "their faith".  Does any man of God need defending?  If someone says something off color about whomever is at the center of your belief system would you feel a need to protect your faith?  In your heart do you believe the Christ would support someone causing hurt to another in his name?  Nahhh...... me either. 

      I think truth is like science.... it is what it is whether you believe and accept it or not.  Does it matter if someone else sees God differently, or hears a different message?  If God loved them so much as to give them life, are they any less worthy of Gods love (or Gods message to them) than you or me?  Do you not have a right to expect respect as much as anyone else?

    This whole idea that to somehow protect God or his messengers from any perceived insult with violence is an even greater insult to God and his messengers........ perhaps even the greatest of insults.  Well, at least in my humble opinion.

    I will admit that my first visceral response to such behavior is to want to lash out.  Violence does in fact cause violence.  Hate is all to often the cause of only more hate.  I suspect hate is a cancer to ones soul.  To hate another does nothing to the object of our hatred, but slowly diminishes us.  I imagine besides any number of religious texts, there is more than a little medical proof of just such a proposition. 

    What about the things we all agree we should hate?  Should we not all hate the ideas and practices of the Nazi's?  Is there not some things that should be condemned so strongly that we can comfortably say "I hate that...."?  Maybe we should "hate" the hatred, but love the hater?

    I guess I am just a little wary of the term "hate".  It seems to carry a conviction that goes further than just "I am against this".  To "abhor" something is even a lesser position than to "hate".  To hate seems to carry a conviction that something should be destroyed.  To hate someone or something is to say it is beyond worthless, it is vile and in need of destruction by most any means.  I am especially wary of using the word hate when referring to people.....  I am of the opinion the first step in justifying genocide is to make someone else "less". 

    When we say we "hate" something, do we really mean it should be destroyed?  I can comfortably say that there are people I love that regularly demonstrate behavior that I wish could be illuminated.  I truly despise, and can not in anyway support those actions................  but I do not desire the smallest ill thing to befall them.  I guess I can say I "hate" the actions, but deeply love the perpetrator. 

     After all, it is the things we are against, as much as the things we support that define who we are.  Still, it seems a backward way of giving thanks for the "buttheads" in life.