Being aware

    


     I want to share an experience that has only happened a hand full of times in my life.  That rare occasion where the veil of the physical is somehow set aside and I have had the privilege of seeing someone I Love's soul.  Seems some description as to how those "visions" were to be differentiated from the normal day to day experiences one has when looking at another and being swept up in your shared love should be offered.  There is a profound difference in what is experienced from the day to day sharing of time with a loved one.  A most profound difference, a difference that I am just not sure I can find a way to verbalize. 

     You can look into the eyes of those you love and be carried away with the emotion, and only reinforce the existing knowledge of who you "know" them to be. But (at least in my experience), on some very rare occasions one can look and suddenly see those one loves with a clarity that I can only describe as something ethereal.  I have looked into the face of some of those I love and seen them................ well, I am kinda at a loss for words.  They were suddenly stunningly beautiful (and that is not always something I would observe as an everyday experience), and they transcended just what my eyes could perceive.  It was as if I had never "seen" them before.  They were all lit from within, or they glowed, or maybe it was as if they were their own source of light.... simply put, I think maybe I saw them as God sees them.  A perfection that is not evident in normal day to day existence.  It is as different a way of seeing as comparing being outside in the sun versus being in the darkest of dark. 

    When my daughter walked into the old mariners supply building where we were to have the wedding reception, she walked over to me and I looked into her face............. God, after all the time I have spent looking at, even studying, that face...... It was like for the first time I "saw" her.  It was like I was looking at a stranger.............. a beautiful stranger who was looking at me with the most intense concentration and love.  Maybe that was the key?  When experiencing each "vision" I knew I was loved.  Deeply loved.  I will admit to being prejudiced and have always thought my Daughter to be a loving gift from God to the world........ but in that instance she was different....  She was "greater", and  she was glorious to behold.  Again, I thought I should kick off my shoes as it was obvious I was experiencing something holy.  The love and splendor of her soul showed through.  My heart was smitten (even more than I was when the nurse first put her in my arms almost three decades ago).  That is simply saying a lot.

   I find it significant that on my own wedding day years ago that while the preacher was pronouncing what we had asked him to say, I could hear nothing as I gazed into the face of the one who would be the mother of today's bride.  I was gifted with that same vision of one I loved.  God she was beautiful.  When the times get rough, I hold to that vision.  It has never faded.  Oh, if there was any gift I could give to these two women who hold such a purchase in my soul, it would be to just for a moment glimpse that reflection that they so powerfully imprinted in my heart.

    I remember being a boy (in cub scouts even), and my younger brother stepping forward and offering sentiments so loving that he totally destroyed the oblivious way I was proceeding through life.  It was an interruption that has never stopped having powerful repercussions.  It changed my life.  It was my first experience at seeing such love in another's eyes.  My brother impressed me with an almost angelic appearance.  His was the first face, and the first experience whereby I saw into the heart of another.  I have seen my brothers soul more than any other....  He has always managed to find that way into my awareness.  We usually joke and are irreverent.....  but occasionally he feels free to open his heart.  I am always humbled.  We make fun of the fact that my brother is one of the most irreverent people I know.  He is certainly the most brutally honest.  Maybe all brothers are close, but I am not at all sure that all brothers know the contents of the others soul.  I have seen his.  He is beautiful........... (not sure that "beautiful" is a word most men would use when describing another male, but there is no other word that comes close). 

    I saw Dads soul, and as always is the case, was humbled to be in its presence.  As his illness progressed we spent more time together than usual.  When we realized that we might not have the time we wanted, I shared I was not ready to say goodbye.  We embraced, and I saw him differently than ever before.  He was still Daddy, always bigger than life, but suddenly in his face was reflected love and in his countenance I saw "peace".  He was beautiful.  Beautiful?  Mom might have seen him in that light..... maybe even his own Momma,.  But me?  Not till that moment would I have called Dad beautiful (maybe ruggedly handsome).  In that moment Dad transcended just being my Father and friend.  He was greatness personified.  In his countenance I felt peace (and that was a rare commodity at that time). 

    I wish I could go through life seeing everyone in that light.  I am of the opinion that each life is blessed with a glorious part of themselves that they, and even most of those they love, live without ever experiencing.  I wish I could stay in that loving level of existence..... maybe that is what heaven is.

    I have never seen my own soul.  I suspect it must be there or I would never have "seen" the beauty in the souls I love.  I pray that if you find your way here, your life will be filled with friends and family that you can see with the eyes of your soul.  You will never look at them the same again..............