I wonder if most of us give even a passing thought to what we communicate verbally. Certainly, most of us are most guarded as to how our actions might be perceived by others. I think that with rare (psychopath) exceptions, most of us have some construct as to how we behave "plays" in public. I am not exactly sure when it starts, but "self awareness" is one of our earliest developments.
I am at an age that actions that might be perceived as "silly" are just hard to entertain. It's not so much that I really give a shit anymore, it is just so ingrained that I am hardly able to "dance in the rain...". If you spend any time watching young children you know they suffer a definite lack of self awareness. Still, they do seem to be infectiously happy.....
But that is not where I have intended this discussion to go.... It is not the physical communications that are the most easily miscommunicated. It is the verbal. I was listening to a couple in the store and as they parted they both loudly proclaimed "Love you." This made me think about the people to whom I have spoken those words. Did my "I love you" to each one mean the same thing? No, that would be impossible.
Again, I am left wondering about the nature of spoken (or written) communication. The very same words in different context can carry extremely different messages. Without the context of the overall relationship, it is really impossible to ascertain the fullest meaning of what is being communicated. So, I thought a deeper delving into what might have been meant whenever I said "I love you" might be in order.... In no particular order....
"I love you" at one time meant "You have made me very happy. I am thankful for what you have done. I am thinking my saying this will make you happy too...."
"I love you" has also meant "You obviously care for me. I recognize that, and return your affection in as much as I am able." Later in life it might morph to "I can not fathom a life without you caring for me..... I need you."
Obviously there is the teenage "I love you, there I said it, can we have sex now?". Obviously not one of the moments in life that one would hold up to posterity as a defining moment. It is in this general stage where "I love you" is not so much a statement as a question. It is not so much "I love you", but more "Do you love me?".
The "I love you" that for the first time actually involves having knowledge of the others wants, needs, motivations, and with the budding intimacy we tend to romanticize the object of our affections so that we see them without a single fault. It is somewhere in this "love" we have being "in love". We are growing in our capacity to love, but maybe have something greater to offer. This particular "I love you" often means "I love the idea of you so much that I am willing to discard whatever that is me that you might find lacking...." It is not so much a desire for a relationship as a willingness to sacrifice identity for the promise of affection. I would equate it to an addiction.
The "I love you" conveying a more intimate awareness as to whom the other is. This one is offered to those that have made it beyond the superficial conversations about what happens and what we are doing, to the more spiritual realm of sharing what we are feeling and what we are being. It is these intimate friends that harbor the seeds of life's greater meanings. This sharing is not particularly easy to begin. We are often aware of our status as somehow being tied to another before we ever offer the observation "I love you". This time it is not a question, but a simple statement of what is in ones heart. Some never have such friends...... that is why each and every individual that you can say you love is such a treasure.
Then there is the "I love you" that is reserved for those few that somehow define your life. In this case "I love you" conveys "You are Gods gift to my existence. I recognize that there is divinity in existence, because when I think of you I feel myself in the presence of God". These relationships define a life. These blessed individuals are more precious than your own existence.... they are your soul expressed. They are the manifestation of Gods love in your life.
The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved, loved for ourselves, or rather loved in spite of ourselves.
Victor Hugo
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